Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Feeling Human Again


My sweet little Honey Pie was born on Thursday, October 14 at 10:31am.  She was 8 lbs, and 21 1/2 inches long.  And life has been in an upheaval ever since.

Apparently I get the baby blues.  I remember them from when I had my first Pumpkin Pie, but at the time I thought it was because she came two weeks early, a mere two days after my last day of work.  I thought I just hadn't had time to adjust to not working when all of a sudden I had a baby.  But this time was just as hard, if not harder.  Maybe it was due to the fact that I had crazy hormones surging through my body for days.  Or because I had to learn to take care of an active 2-year-old AND a newborn, even though I knew that was coming.  But mostly I think it was because I have so many Facebook friends who are having their second or third babies, and they seem to embrace it with such ease.  I read no angst from them, so my angst seemed out of place or out of the ordinary.  It was so sad to me, since being a mom is what I do.  And it seemed like I couldn't handle having two, so my very existence was somehow invalidated.  I also felt like my whole future was threatened.  If I can't handle two, how would I handle any more?  I'm not sure if we'll have more, although the thought of not having any more makes me sad even now.  I keep telling myself to take things one day at a time, and that I don't have to make those kind of decisions right now.

I think I'm better now.  She will be three weeks old tomorrow, and I absolutely remember feeling like a normal person exactly three weeks after the birth of my first.  I'm still getting to know this new one, and I don't really like this whole transition, but I feel normal again.  In fact, today I took both girls to Target for the first time.  It was the first time we've left the house for a normal-type errand.  I was worried because Honey Pie seems to H A T E her infant seat, which makes for noisy, un-fun car rides.  But today she slept after an initial outburst of being put in.  She didn't make a peep the whole time we were gone.

I'm also trying to remember that this phase is a very brief phase of her life.  It feels long right now because of the sleep deprivation, but I know she will change a lot in these next few months.  That screaming jag she had last night between 10:00 and 11:30 will be a distant memory.  This helpless, demanding newborn won't seem so burdensome when she starts to smile and coo.  It also helps me to look at pictures of my friends' kids, who are over the age of two.  I love seeing siblings interact in photos...and to know that my two little girls will interact like that some day.

I do love my new Honey Pie.  But it is nice to feel normal again.

2 comments:

  1. You're a great mom, Tor, and I appreciate how open and honest you are! I know it will bless so many other moms who may be feeling the same!

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  2. It's Nick, by the way, but my google profile recognized Jeff...haha.

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