Friday, February 14, 2014

I Will Always Be 13

It's my fault.  I fully understand that.

I'm probably the only person to do this, but sometimes I use Facebook to check up on people who are not even my Facebook friends.  You know, people you used to know but feel weird about Friending, because maybe you did at one point and they unfriended you, or maybe you don't want to appear that you've been checking into their life and a Friend Request would do just that.  I know, it's a little shameful and embarrassing.  But I do it.  Usually it's when something made me think of them, so I just poke around to see what's up.  It's helpful if they don't have the strongest privacy settings so you can see things.

Anyway.  I did it the other day to an old youth group friend.  And I noticed that someone had tagged them in one of those "You Might Be A Church Kid" posts, and it caused a flurry of comment activity among old youth group friends.

I wasn't tagged.  I wasn't included.  But I was a part of that crowd.  Sort of.

I was the kid on the outside of the crowd.  Desperately wanting to be included, but never quite.  And seeing all that comment activity and not being included once again dredged up all those horrible, teenage feelings all over again.  It's pretty ridiculous; I'm going on 32.  I'm a grown-up (supposedly.)  And I'm the one who looked there in the first place.  If I hadn't, I wouldn't have ever known.  But I do know and once again have to work through it all.

The thing that makes me the saddest, though, is realizing that my girls will go through a phase like that too.  And there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I can't prevent them from feeling the hurt of kids who reject them or just plain forget them.  And by that time, they probably won't really want my help anyway.  Right now it's easy to just imagine that my girls will always be "one of the gang," but the reality is, they may not be. 

And that is a worse thought than me remembering all that angst and drama.

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